By Any Other
by DSieya
Summary: Not to quote Shakespeare, but... — Hugo, Rose, Scorpius, and name-calling. oneshot, slight Rose/Scorpius


Rose liked to make fun of Hugo's name.

Hugo didn't blame her.

It made him quite angry when he was younger, because nowhere, never, had he ever encountered another 'Hugo'. And it really made him afraid of being fat. It would be all too easy to call him 'Huge-o.' But one day, at age nine, Hugo found his weapon when he retorted, _"Yeah, well, at least my name doesn't make me sound old!"_

Rose was, apparently, very afraid of being thought of as old.

Her first week at Hogwarts, every single teacher at Hogwarts had very high expectations of her. They expected her to be the same person her mother was, seeing as the both of them had the extremely-smart-with-awkward-hair-fiasco combination going on. They would go on and on to her about how they knew she would be the "bright, mature young woman" Hermione had been since she set foot on the Hogwarts train. Every student from the third year down was afraid of doing anything wrong in front of Rose Weasley since they were afraid of her reporting them, hexing them, or yelling at them. And, for the first week, Rose had tried to humor them.

But what no one expected was that Rose was a hell of a lot more like her father than her mother. They did find out, however, when she made a flying tackle during breakfast at a Ravenclaw boy who dared tell her she reminded him of the old nagging lady at Honeydukes.

Hugo, in a moment of great weakness, had made the mistake of confiding to Rose his 'Huge-o' fears. In response, she cackled, "Hugo has a Huge-o Head-o!" in a way that would make Uncle George proud. So whenever he followed her around doing witch-cackles and talking in a frail old-lady voice, she'd call him 'Humungo' and talk to random passerby about her brother Humungo's huge-o- head-o.

In this way, it was only a mixed blessing when he was made Head Boy. Rose was already out of school by this time, but she still found the time in her week to write about how proud she was about him inheriting _BigHead Boy_ from Uncle Percy, except _now_ he was promoted to _HugeHead Boy_. Congratulations, Humungo!

Things got really bad when, one day, their mother brought home a Muggle movie called Titanic on their monthly movie night. At first Rose had been very pleased that the main character was a very pretty young redheaded woman named Rose—until Hugo started following her around, hobbling, croaking things like, "I'll never let go, Jack," and, "It was the most erotic moment of my life." Rose got so annoyed that she actually exploded Hugo's head to three times its size, and Hugo retaliated by turning her hair gray. Neither their father nor their mother were pleased, so as punishment the two of them ended up going on holiday to the-remarkably-still-alive-Aunt-Muriel's for two weeks. AND it apparently slipped their parents' minds to reverse Hugo's huge head and Rose's old lady gray hair while they were at it.

Their cousins tried to join in, but James' and Lily's names were too normal and Rose and Hugo were hard-pressed to find a clever moniker for Albus. Hugo came up with "ass" for Albus' first two initials, to which Rose replied, "it's spelled 'as', _idiot_," but that didn't matter because Hugo couldn't use the nickname in front of any adults, anyway.

Anyhow, it turned into a huge war within the family, to the point that no one new what they were going to be called day-to-day, and even though their parents made the game somewhat uncool like only old people could do (calling each other "Won-Won" and "Herm-own-ninny"), the children were relentless in their quest for new insults.

It continued in this way for years until Hugo's second year. This was the year that him and his sister realized that there was someone going to their school with a much, much shittier name than them.

Scorpius. Hyperion. Malfoy.

Of course, they had always _known_ this, but it had never _occurred_ to them to make fun of him. But Rose and Hugo looked like any old Dick and Jane compared to Scorpius. Hyperion. Malfoy.

It was the first time that Hugo and Rose had ever made any truce with each other, much less an alliance. Instantly, they set to work trying to find the _perfect_ nickname for Scorpius Hyperion.

Unfortunately, they found it remarkably difficult to make _Scorpius Hyperion_ any worse. So they were forced to come up with insults instead. These ended up being better than any nickname ("Hyper Scorpion" and "Hippy-Hippy" were some of Hugo's earlier suggestions) they could invent. 'Scorpius has a little stinger.' 'Scor is a whore.' It didn't help that Rose was the Gryffindor Keeper and Scorpius was the Slytherin Chaser, prompting the whole Slytherin House to make huge signs saying "SCOR(E)!" This had two meanings. Rose didn't appreciate either of them.

The war was going all well and fine until Rose's seventh year, in which she shocked Hugo by slugging him in the face after he referred to Scorpius as an insect. Honestly. It wasn't even that good of an insult. That was a pretty hefty overreaction.

If you ask him.

Hugo found out much later that it was because Rose and Scorpius were a "thing". If "thing" is defined as four months of secret snogging sessions in various locales of the castle.

When Hugo very accidently discovered them in the Transfiguration classroom where he had left his textbook, he wasn't even angry, or particularly shocked.

All he did was shake his head, pick up the textbook in question, and as he walked out say, "Blimey. I feel so bad for your kids."

* * *

_a/n: first story in a while, and definitely my first next generation story. actually, this is just something to loosen me up for 'two suns,' which i'm planning on resuming. and it's also a chance for me to poke fun at the next generation's names. because, come on, admit it. they all have pretty funny names._


End file.
